A basic rule of every real JO club is “Nothing goes inside anybody’s anything.” That would include dildos (duh). It’s not an issue of sex but of health. We don’t want to have to require hospital protocol to keep our members healthy and anything going in and inevitably out of a butt raises the risk level of disease transmission much higher. Not STDs necessarily, just an array of viral and bacterial nasties that bators aren’t necessarily prepared for.
Put simply, NO BUTT STUFF ALLOWED at any JO club. Good luck with CL!
I don’t do poppers. I’d rather cultivate my penis consciousness without drugs.
I love the reality of the visibly aroused man. For me, it is the one essential ingredient, the one non-negotiable element of my own sexual engagement. I am not going to have sex with myself or anyone else if I can not clearly and unquestionably perceive excitement.
And a boner isn’t enough for me. I’m a guy who witnesses and interacts with hundreds of erect penises every year and with the advent of boner pills, an erection alone doesn’t convey excitement, only a desire for desire and an overemphasis of the mechanics of sex.
In the beautiful GIF above, I see a man in an extreme state of arousal, not just because of the hard dick, but the pre-cum he plays with, the movement of his belly as he breathes, the ease of his reclining position and the open, relaxed mouth. This man is feeling his penis, is focused easily on his experience in the moment. He is clearly and frankly in a state of welcome and intense arousal.
And I respond in kind. Sitting here, alone in my home office with my husband sleeping in the bedroom, my mind and body react together with that first spark of delicious arousal. I look at this two-second moving image and I am there with him as I’ve been so many times, happily abiding in that softly buzzing state of penis engagement, dopamine seeping into my system making connections between neurons generating emanating pleasure through my being.
For me to enjoy sex with another man, I have to perceive that he is completely there, aroused and motivated to be in that space with me. It’s not about me per se, but about our mutual interest in that experience, right there in the moment.
The human sexual response cycle is a group of stages in a matrix that is, by definition, “sex.” In most models, “arousal” is the first stage and for me, it is The One True Sign that sex is happening—not just imminent, but actually happening. Real, immediate, honest, human arousal. It is the aphrodisiac I crave above all other triggers and without its presence in my playmates, I’m just not going to stay engaged.
Show me your excitement. Let me see it in your eyes, feel it emanating from your body and standing proudly between your legs. Embrace it and love it in that exact moment and share it with me. You show me your arousal and I’ll show you mine.
I saw a poll posted on Bateworld tonight when I was cruising for bate fuel after dinner…
Use of the word “addicted”
I know some of us use the phrase “chronic addicted masturbator.” And I know some object to the idea that sex is addictive in any form, and I think most psychologists agree it isn’t addictive. But for some of us, the very idea that it MIGHT be addictive is a turn on. So the word has become a fetish for some. Question: Does the idea or word have a positive or negative effect on you? Or none at all?
Here’s how the results lined up:
And here was my written response:
I seem to be in the minority here but you asked so here’s my response…
You know, I respect everyone’s right to use language for the best effect, particularly when it’s about enhancing and maximizing sexual pleasure for themselves and their play mates. I accept that this is a thing for many of my bator brothers, but for me, it has the opposite effect. I hate it.
In 1989, after 14 years of constant and daily drug and alcohol abuse, I began my recovery from drug addiction. I was deeply depressed and suicidal from an absolute inability to stop doing this thing that was killing me. That is, to me, the core characteristic of any true addiction: It’s life made unmanageable through powerlessness over something that is killing us.
It is exciting to assert that we are powerless over the bate, but I am far more excited by the knowledge that I choose to masturbate, to indulge and cultivate my sexual desire and gift myself with time and focus purely for sexual pleasure and satisfaction. I carry with me every day the living knowledge that I am a sexually vital man, feeling living exuberance radiating from my penis and infusing my moments with fundamental joy.
Masturbation is my purest sexual expression and the sex I share with others is an extension of that, would be much less connected without it. Masturbation enhances and celebrates my life. It is me expressing gratitude for my manhood, the life I have, just as it is, and my capacity to make it better by committing to it.
That’s not addiction. That’s its opposite.
I know you didn’t come to bateworld to read this kind of thing, or to read anyone’s opinion of your jam being wrong somehow. You visit BW to enhance and share and magnify your masturbation. If proclaiming yourself a “chronic addicted masturbator” makes you happy, you get to do that! You do you, my brother.
For me, “addict” will always invoke disease, destruction and death. That doesn’t make my dick twitch with excitement. It makes me change the channel.
[vimeo 238341307 w=250 h=444]
Flying, Bating, Sperming
My last night at Healthy Friction in Palm Springs included about 90 minutes of intense edging and no ejaculation. The next morning, I attended to my penis during the flight home.
I’ve had a thought… I’ve amassed a few followers and over the last couple of years gotten out of the habit of posting regularly. Out of laziness more than anything I’ve begun reblogging some posts. Though I always include some kind of extended commentary, I notice that it is my original work that gets the most likes and reblogs of their own and attract new followers.
So I’m going to give this a try: No more reblogging for me. I will restrict the inclusion of other people’s comments and pics to links in my own posts and Likes that will appear in the right column of the web version of my blog.
Also, I’m going to generate more original images and videos. Those are clearly the content that you like the most. I get it. We are far more visual creatures than readers, and visuals cut across language lines.
Nonetheless, I will continue to write. Writing about sex is why I started the blog. I want to tell the stories of sex that arise in my brain, most of them nonfictional. I’m interested in and turned on by authenticity, by genuine human animal sex.
Staying positive is also important for me. I’ve started and abandoned dozens of posts because they were focused on something negative, on aspects of men, or sexuality or society or the blogosphere that rub me the wrong way in one way or another. I want to tell the story of male sex from my perspective by celebrating what I love, not pointing up the things that turn me off.
Please do your best to keep going past the images. I want your active brain, not just your swollen cock. I’ll invite you to read, knowing full well that if you’re anything like me, Tumblr is for building up a load while masturbating, going from one charge to another and skipping the stuff that pulls me out of the jizz zone.
That’s my new framework. Weekly posts, all original, no reblogging, maximum positivity and new, original imagery. I will also explore changing the design of the site to fit my vision for what it can do. I hope you will engage and share what you like.
With genuine love for actual strangers, Paul
Been here, done this and loved it, both in the center and the periphery. Look at the hard cocks, the natural hair, the unsculpted bodies, the focus on the action at hand rather than the camera. This is hot and real and one of the things makes my own life wonderful. We should do this ourselves soon and frequently.
I get it. There are two sex counselors I am aware of in Seattle who regularly refer clients to Rain City Jacks but have each told me personally that they can not attend for exactly the reasons you cite. It’s simply a sacrifice you take on as an ethical professional.
I can only say that there are a few other jack-off clubs in the United States that can be part of a person’s experience. It would simply be a special occasion kind of thing rather than a regular element of one’s sex life. I wish that were not the case, but I understand that part of your challenge.
Creating an organized jack-off group—something that’s safe, consistent, true to its purpose and ongoing—can be a daunting venture. In some places, it’s downright impossible due to anti-sex legal and social barriers. Precious few Americans really experience anything like “balance” in their sex lives.
My first suggestion is always to go to where there are successful organizations operating and experience it several times. Get real experience of it yourself and do it long enough to work through some of the layers of resistance that arise for everyone in our culture. There are enormous and deeply rooted belief structures that assume masturbation and same-sex play are aberrant and even evil. Don’t underestimate those belief structures. They are woven into the fabric of our culture and all of its systems.
Go to the New York Jacks web site and study their Links page. It contains numerous referrals to active groups around the world, as well as related resources on the web that support the culture of positive, shared masturbation.
Do your research and then seek out a club you can get to and go. Yes, you may have to travel, spend money and get out of your comfort zone, but don’t fool yourself that this is a frivolous exercise because it’s “just masturbation.” That’s the voice of those anti-sex belief systems. Go and experience all of it yourself. GO back again and again. Explore other clubs and see how different they are.
You can also search craigslist for small connections with locals, but that’s a bit more dangerous. Most of the men doing this are successfully making those connections, though.
Bottom line is this: Don’t try to reinvent a JO club until you have direct, personal experience of them. They’re not a panacea, although they do offer something valuable and unique to many men who are specifically missing the benefits jack-off clubs offer.
As for avoiding the public eye and staying honest, depending on where you live, that’s probably less of an issue than you might suspect. It’s also another huge topic and would make this response even longer than it already is… which is too long.
I don’t know of any ongoing, organized small groups of bators of any kind. What I am aware of is small, informal gatherings happening privately. Those may or may not include poppers, but I assume a few do.
The best ways I’m aware of to organize or find small groups is through craigslist and bateworld. search for “stroke” and “buddies” at craigslist and search for “Seattle” in bateworld.
Numerous couples attend pretty much every Jacks gathering. All of them play at different levels, presumably according to agreements or just whatever works for them. There are couples who only attend together and others who trade off events and attend separately. Some arrive together and then separate to play with whoever they like before leaving together, and some stick together throughout an event, only playing with others while engaged with each other.
I have also seen men partner with guys they meet at the Jacks and then they disappear from the gatherings, possibly pursuing exclusivity, and I have seen those arrangements change over time. Everyone negotiates their relationships differently. For many Jacks members, both new and established, those relationships successfully incorporate group masturbation.
I have been with my mate for 26 years. He’s been to just two Jacks events, mainly at my insistence that he see what I do and remove secrecy and ambiguity from our marriage as much as possible. In my experience, sex with others isn’t the problem. Deceit is.
The band system is a working shorthand for consent. It’s not meant to be a rigid, doctrinaire thing, but a useful tool that individuals can adapt as it works best for them. Ultimately, every man is responsible for establishing and enforcing his personal boundaries, regardless of what they are or how they may change from moment to moment or from one playmate to another. What we try to do is remind everyone that consent is a thing, that they get to decide who interacts with their own penis and how, and that everyone needs to respect and honor the boundaries of others.
That’s a long-winded way of saying it’s no big deal.
