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masturbatorsanctum:

As far as I am concerned, partnered sex and masturbation are complementary. In my view, both are not irreconcilable and certainly not in competition with one another.

I need partnered sex for the shared emotions, the bonding, and obviously also for the joy of fucking. This said, when I have sex with another guy (or gal), I tend to focus on my partner’s feelings and to forget my own needs and those needs of mine tend to be less fulfilled in the end. I am aware and readily admit that this is a hurdle for me to work on, and that I should allow myself to be cared for as much as I care for others. Yet, it still affects my overall satisfaction when having partnered sex. (Although the issue is less blatant when I have sex with a guy or gal who’s also not too self-centred [which is the case with my current boyfriend].)

It is not enough to deter me from partnered sex (far from it), as there are many things that I find in partnered sex that I don’t get from solo sex. However, total and deep physical relief is not part of that package. There are even some aspects of psychological relief I don’t get with partnered sex (although it does bring some relief of its own). Anyway, for all those things that partnered sex doesn’t provide me, masturbation does.

I need solo sex for the emotional and physical intensity (I acknowledge that I am in need of a lot). The utilitarian quickie excluded, masturbation provides the potency and completeness that I am in need of. Through my hands, my lubes, my toys, masturbation coasts me on the edge for as long as I need, makes me moan like crazy for as much as I need, provides the kind of stimulation that I need in real time, making me intensely happy. Solo sex gives me the strongest pleasure, leading to full ball-draining ejaculations… if and when I decide to (maybe after a few days, maybe the next time I have sex with my boyfriend, maybe an hour later). I definitely need this solo time.

For me, masturbation is as an essential dimension and expression of my sexuality. Certainly as much as partnered sex.

This entry reflects my own experience as closely as anything I’ve read before.

In my years of communicating with men about jack-off clubs, I am repeatedly impressed by the tendency to see masturbation and partner sex as a zero-sum, binary choice, as if we only get to have one or the other. I find that ludicrous on its face but it persists.

We are comprehensive sexual beings by nature, with the ability to connect with both others and ourselves through this intense, natural process of sexual activity. We can focus on ourselves or on others or on both and this is what we are evolved to do, plainly evident from the ubiquity of sex. We are masturbating and sucking and fucking all over the world like the horny, horny apes that we are.

It’s not a matter of either/or… Sex is all about “and.”

I’m still bummed that Vancouver Jax folded after its brief run. You guys deserve to have your own community of bators to connect with. Until somebody puts that together again, you will always be welcome in Seattle.

Thank you, brother. I do indeed feel a deep brotherhood with my fellow men as the result of decades of mutual masturbation with a vast array of different men. I feel that it’s opened me up to a more authentic, more human experience of myself and others. I’m grateful for that.

I make no bones about having my own tastes too and part of that is a strong preference for “meat space,” being actual, intimate physical contact with men. I’m sure it’s partly a function of my age, but as compelling as electronic media is, I find it unsatisfying as a direct form of sexual play. I don’t use video chat anymore and I don’t cam in any way, although I enjoy making videos and watching them. If the person on the other side of the camera is live though, I find it strangely disconnecting in a way post-produced porn isn’t… for me.

I have a few bate buddies I connect with one-on-one from time to time, and my favorite is a beautiful and charming cub who loves BW vid chat. I’m sure you’ve seen him there because he’s way, way into it. I don’t judge him or you or anyone for that. “The penis wants what the penis wants” as a brilliant young friend of mine likes to say.

So I do thank you and you won’t see me video chatting on BW or anywhere else. It just doesn’t work for me.

Thank you for the generous words! I wouldn’t characterize myself as all about the bate, though. I’m just all about sexual joy and for me, that includes embracing all this fantastic sex I have with myself, and the vast opportunities for connection with my fellow man when penetration is taken out of the equation… but I also love oral sex, both giving and receiving. Just wanted to clarify that wee point… ?

As far as starting a JO group, I would strongly urge you to think small. If a guy likes to cook, he shouldn’t jump right to opening a restaurant… He’d start by having a friend over for dinner, then a small group and then, maybe, Thanksgiving! Baby steps that focus on the thing you like and want to experience, not a big production.

Starting, sustaining and growing a jack-off club is a massive amount of work and while I am proud of my club and grateful for the numerous opportunities the circumstances of my life grant to allow me to do it successfully, Most attempts at running a club don’t last very long if they ever even get off the ground.

I urge you to explore social networks like bateworld.com and try reaching out to men you find in that forum who live in your area. A small number will be up for a get-together. Start hosting them at your place or in a safer, neutral setting. There will be some trial and error as you weed out guys who want more than JO or flakes who don’t even show up, but before long, you’ll have a circle to jerk with.

It takes time and patience to make it work. The USA is far more sex-negative and bate-negative than we suspect because we’re so used to it, so most guys are terrified of the very idea of jacking off with a buddy or two or ten… If you want it, start small and see what makes sense for you. 

Remember too that thousands of men relocate, move to cities where they can experience and express their passions more freely. This has gone on forever and it’s no different for a bator. I don’t think there’s anything unreasonable about moving to a city with a thriving JO club… but you might want to plan a short visit first. Best of luck!

I think that Rain City Jacks is a pretty friendly club, but I’m understandably biased. We have a number of bigger guys and most of us are actually of average endowment. I’ve had amazing, prolonged sessions with men at the club who had smaller than average penises. For me, it’s far more about the energy a man brings to the moment than his endowment. If you love penis, and love the penis you have, just bring that joy with you and share it. You’ll have a great time and find plenty of buddies to penis with.

If by “jack off” you mean masturbate solo to orgasm, about once a day. If I have sex with someone else—and I include mutual masturbation as sex—I may skip masturbating for a day beforehand to boost my libido and cum more, but I also masturbate twice on many days, more than compensating for the occasional day of abstinence.

It’s clear that I like images of hairy, macho guys. White guys with muscles and body hair and stiff, cut penises and I like to see them spend time masturbating, displaying their pleasure, getting lost and losing concern for how they sound or where the cum flies when they orgasm.

But all of my life, when encountering them out in the world, I’ve considered men like this to be absolute dicks. I would never give them the time of day or want to spend any time with them. I don’t even like having sex with them IRL. Yes, I experience a few moments of initial interest and flattery that they’re into me but it never takes long for me to lose interest. I don’t cum when I have sex with macho men.

In real life, where flesh meets flesh, I’m into variety and presence and energy above all. In real life, I like men who aren’t white. In real life, what matters to me is mutual engagement and a sense of joyful, shameless heat.

The only things that are consistent between my spank bank and real life is I need my penises erect and I’m not into fucking. If a guy can’t achieve an erection, I can’t sustain interest and will only continue out of generosity and for his pleasure, not mine. I will not cum with a guy who doesn’t get hard. I require that evidence of his pleasure to experience my own.

When a man has to fuck or more commonly, be fucked, I’m just not down for it. I’ve accommodated some guys but maybe once in a year or two will I achieve an orgasm this way and once I’m fucking a guy, it’s pretty much a guarantee I will not cum with him.

I like to touch and taste men. I like to use my hands and my mouth and be treated in kind. Yes, my hole loves to be touched but a finger is all I need and that only rarely. The thought of fucking is way more interesting to me than the reality.

And I’m also intensely attracted to fem guys who are totally who they are. If a man is hairy and sexually connected and also obviously, outwardly “gay” seeming, that’s a huge plus for me. I want to suck his cock and I want his mouth on mine.

Imagination is so exciting but once you get out of your head and into the real world of bodies and sensations and smells, it’s interesting how what works IRL can diverge from what we masturbate over in front of our computers. If you have a similar experience, consider that the next time you’re flipping through Scruff profiles.

healthyfriction:

Healthy Friction Weekend of Masturbation 07-10 June 2018. California Heat.     Registration and Introduction: $80.00 online in advance until 5pm 07 June 2018. $100 at the Door. Ask me about the Promo Rate for Active Military, EMT, First Responder, or Students. I need to do this in advance to set up a special code for you.   Event Registration required to get promo code to book your hotels listed…

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Hey Cowboy,

When I first started Rain City Jacks, I got a big suite in a local, mid-level hotel. I specified top floor and a corner room to maximize privacy. I organized the event through the Yahoo Group I set up to start the Jacks and I simply asked everyone to not be loud in the room. 

The first time I hosted in a hotel room, I operated on the honor system, communicating the room number privately just before the event start and just asking for a $10 donation to help defray the cost of the room. I ended up shelling out for the room from my own pocket and most of the guys flaked out, leaving a room big enough for 20 guys with only seven. The next time, I used PayPal to pre-reserve, require pre-payment and no refunds. If you wanted to come, you had to invest $20. I instantly saw the flakes virtually disappear and had an almost-full house. The money collected paid for the room, Albolene, paper towels, refreshments and my rides to and from the hotel.

I hosted about five events at that hotel before I located a long-term location. During that time, I also found volunteers who really wanted to help keep it going. Turned out that the pre-pay option led to attendees who were far more invested in the experience than just men who wanted to get off and didn’t care whether they showed up or not. I discovered how the fees charged represented value to members, mostly, how much they valued the experience.

I never asked permission. I paid for the room and invited visitors to join me there, just as many people do. I just had more than most. Yes, there may have been some violation of rules, but what were were doing was and is, technically, legal. As each guy arrived, he had to sign an agreement stating that he was there voluntarily of their own volition, accepted his responsibility to follow the rules and waived liability for damages.

Regardless of the venue, it’s always good for JO clubs to be good neighbors and renters. Pretty much across the board, I’ve found that every JO club I’ve researched has great relationships with their landlords, added to by the perception of “safe sex,” the lack of alcohol and drugs, and a propensity to just clean up after ourselves. That’s one reason why JO clubs tend to last.

Location is the single biggest hurdle to operating a jack-off club or just hosting one party. Hotels have served for this purpose for a very, very long time. This is nothing new. As long as you practice good judgement and be a good neighbor to the other folks staying in the hotel, you’re probably not going to have any problems.