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One of my go-to sex sites is bateworld.com. It’s a masturbation-centric zone focused on diverse men, penis and all the tangential elements of masturbation. It is a very specific online culture I mostly enjoy and has become a frequent resource for my own self-love experience. It adds a social aspect through sharing of the masturbation experience that is, in my estimation, richer than many cruising, porn or camming sites.

Recently, a member posted a poll there asking the question, “Is bating enough?” It drew upon the frequently made assumption that “bating” is not “actual sex.” It sparked some terrific commentary and I would like to share my own. BW members can view the complete thread at this link.

This is an interesting question and I appreciate the other comments here.

For the sake of my own clarity, I personally define “masturbation” as solosex. I also define “solosex” as “actual” sex. The terms are, for me, just ways of differentiating various modes of sexual expression. I don’t distinguish any of those expressions as being “not sex.”

I’m a sexually active man. BW has grown to be a frequent part of my self-love, though I am also mindful of having me-time without any external enhancements, distractions or connections. I also love connecting physically with other men in a wide range of ways from friendly touching to mutual and group bate and every kind of penetrative sex that is appropriate for the individuals involved. I don’t see BW in opposition to any other mode of sexual expression, but as a fantastic and unique social aspect of my sex life.

I also experience all of what I’ve mentioned as “actual sex.” I feel far more comfortable just discarding more restrictive definitions of one form of play being “sex” and others being “not sex.” For me, it’s like hearing music or seeing light: Even a distant echo of a tune or a glimmer of light is still music, still light. Even an energized touch from a stranger awakens a process in me that connects to my sexual self, and I experience that as part of the sexual smorgasbord. For me, self-love is sex as much as fucking is sex. If my body is on ANY point of the journey through arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution, I am experiencing “sex.” Sex is, for me, a big tent with countless options within.

It’s pointless for me to step inside that big tent and pretend that I’m not there because I’m not doing one specific thing or another. I think that’s too narrow and fundamentalist a view of my erotic human nature.

Love life. Wade in.

What you describe is completely acceptable and appropriate for any JO club I’ve ever been to.

Your challenge would be just being clear about boundaries, since the main play at RCJ is mutual masturbation. We do help guys who want to stay solo by offering our “band system.” It includes a red band anyone may wear to signal that the guy doesn’t want anyone touching his dick. It works and might be helpful in the scene you have in mind.

I’d say it is definitely worth a try for you. We all love watching at the Jacks. Nobody will laugh at you. Laughter at the Jacks is generally about being giddy after an amazing orgasm.

Right now, it’s looking unlikely that Rain City Jacks will be hosting daytime events. There are a lot of logistical challenges and we’re very mindful of the legal issues as well. If we did do it, it would be both private and legal.

If this changes, we will announce it to the membership via our web site, but I don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. I think the best option would be for someone else to host daytime events. RCJ does not have a monopoly on group masturbation…  🙂

Alas, I am not aware of any organized JO groups currently operating in PDX. I assume there are a few private gatherings here and there, but they’re usually hard to find and often prone to problems.

If anyone in Portland wanted to start up a Jacks club there, I would be honored to assist. I see many Portland area members at my club up here in Seattle. While I’m flattered, it shouldn’t be such a hassle for a progressive and sex-positive area. I’m fairly certain it would not take a lot to get the Jacks rolling down there. It just takes one motivated individual to make it happen.

Hi Dan,

This is a new one for me! Nobody has ever showed up at a Jacks party wearing a chastity device. It sounds interesting… It would be interesting to see what the response from other members might be and honestly, it doesn’t break the rules so there’s nothing to stop you. The experiment might fail, of course, but it might not! If you want to try it out you’re welcome to give it a shot!

I am going to write a lot about NOBNOM. It was a very surprising and worthwhile experiment but for now, I’ll just confess that I made it 25 days… and then I masturbated.

Stay tuned for my full take on it very soon.

Very few men give great hand jobs to every cock. All of our penises are individual and have different routines, hot zones, red zones, green zones… There is no magic formula. Here are three practical suggestions to improving your hand job skills:

1. Pay attention to how you masturbate your own penis. Do you just jack off as a routine? Is it mostly utilitarian? STOP UTILITARIAN MASTURBATION! Make every masturbation an act of self love. Truly appreciate your own cock and spend plenty of time trying new ways of making love to yourself. Explore different lubes, grips, strokes, speeds, pressures and find out new ways to improve your self knowledge. Being good at sex with others (and a hand job is sex) starts with getting to know your own body.
2. Get lots of practice giving hand jobs. The best way I know of to do this is to join and attend a jack-off club. There you can not only get your hands on plenty of different cocks, you can elicit useful feedback. Cultivate a willingness to speak during sex play and ask what they like. Ask your buddy to demonstrate how he jacks off, and to jack you off the same way, pretending that your penis is his. That is incredibly useful feedback. If you can’t get to a jack off club, you can try a bath house or event put an ad on Craigslist, but play smart and don’t put yourself in dangerous situations without some kind of backup plan.
3. If you’re in a sexually monogamous relationship, start masturbating for each other. Spend one lovemaking session just displaying your bate for your lover. It is a fantastic way to be extremely intimate and learn so much about each other. Trust me on this.

Giving great handjobs comes from being in the moment, skillfully paying very close attention to the response a guy has to your touch. But please remember that not every guy can even get off with a hand job. We are all wired differently and I am very sure that there are men who right now would find what you have to offer is exactly right for them… You just have to find them and get your hands on their dicks. Please be sure you have their permission first.