That Looks Good
I don’t generally go for professional porn. I like the raw honesty of amateurs, those who do it for love rather than money, but this director seems to get it, that bating with a buddy can be two guys into seeing each other masturbate without it being foreplay. The bate itself is sex and sharing it is a specific hotness. I’ve lived this scene myself many times.
A nice article, if a bit ranty…
I often feel sad and frustrated with play partners who are stuck in narrow ideas and can’t relate without some categorical reference. I don’t mind fucking, but the focus so many men place on it completely distracts from what’s going to be our best possible sex, which may well be any of the infinite alternatives to a dick in an ass.
If you and I ever find ourselves naked and embarking on a session of sexual pleasure, please notice whether you have an agenda or not and be ready to let it go. I promise you that I am far more likely to cum for you if I don’t suspect there’s some test I must pass.
Short answer: I started a jack-off club because I wanted to go to a jack-off club and there wasn’t one.
I wasn’t trying to provide safer sex for the community, or to protect myself from getting HIV. I just wanted to be naked with lots of other guys in a place where masturbating ourselves and each other was completely okay. I did it because I love penis and the connections I experience when penises are openly displayed and engaged.
I don’t identify as a solosexual. I’m not generally content to derive all my sexual pleasure from self-love. I crave connection with other men through sex. I experience a broad array of different connections with my fellow men through sex and the sex I have with them fits the situation, the chemistry and compatibility of each of us. Some men I want to fuck. Some men I want to be fucked by. Some men I want to touch all over, or kiss. Some men I want to curl up with and sleep.
But masturbation? I want to jack off with nearly every man. Jacking off together feels like natural mediation, dissolving racial and class status, age and even intelligence… to a point. All I need is trust, a perception that we both like each other, and for the juices of sexual response to be flowing. If we’re hot, we’re hot.
Over time and with lots of experience, I recognized that jacking off with other men is more than just sexual. It’s social. It’s intimate. It’s peaceful and peace-making. It’s a spontaneous catalyst for community. It’s an opportunity to revive the suppressed, innate joy of simple sexual pleasure. It’s a path to healing from cultural conditioning to hide our bodies, bury our libidos and reserve our sexual selves for precious few sanctioned contexts. Simply being naked, erect, exposed in my excitement and willing to share it; and witnessing my fellow men shedding their barriers in the same way, makes me feel more authentically human than anything else. It’s primordial and powerful.
Unlike penetrative sex, masturbation is accessible to nearly everyone and holds virtually no negative consequences except those imposed from without.
From infancy, we learned to not touch ourselves. As babies we learned to hide our bodies. As children we learned, “There is a time (rarely) and place (seclusion)” for physical self discovery and self love. Our conditioning is so complete and so subtle and established so early, we can’t possibly remember how we got this way… But we have in fact—as a civilization of domesticated, sex-driven apes—found ourselves this way: Fundamentally sexually blocked.
It can and should be better than it is and I see JO clubs as one of the paths out of our state of being civilized-to-death. I’m grateful to have taken steps toward reclaiming the joy of my penis’ capacity for pleasure that’s integrated with my whole life, not separated from it. I’m proud and happy to be luring a few of my fellow apes along with me.
If you have a penis and you’ve yet to experience a jack-off club, go to one. Break through that wall of nervousness. Find out why you’re nervous. Maybe it’s just your real sexual self, incredibly excited at the prospect of getting to come out and play at long last, thrilled at the opportunity to be exposed, touched and affectionately brought back out.
We are highly sexual animals but we’re conditioned to conceal our most joyful energy in a costume of civilization every minute of our lives. Give it a rest. Just give yourself a chance to be naked and jacking off with your fellow men for a little while.
I thrive on your comments and questions. Please help stimulate my creativity and engage with me in the comments section below. Use the area marked “Join the conversation…” or “Start the conversation…”
Thank you,
Paul
DADDIES – Full-length film | Antonio Da Silva Films
Like so much of da Silva’s work, DADDIES is far more art than porn, more deeply evocative than manipulative. I found it exciting, riveting and touching. It left me horny and with a concurrent sense of affection for the men I see around me every day as well as for the man I am.
I encourage you to watch and to consider donating to his work. This is a man making erotic art on his own terms and it is for us. Love him back.
That’s a really good idea, and I’ve been writing it for a while. It’s part of my book on the history and culture of jack-off clubs. The question for me is, do I want to give that advice now or wait to publish it in print?
Let me think about it.
Confession: I love spontaneous public sex.
To be clear, I have granted myself permission to enjoy random sex play with strangers when the opportunities arise. For the most part, this involves exhibition and mutual masturbation in men’s rooms, saunas and public showers. I find it specifically exciting, energizing and satisfying and I’ve consciously abandoned guilt for enjoying this.
Sometimes, I do more than show off and stroke cock with strangers. Sometimes–when situations and individuals involved warrant it–I will give or receive head. This all leaves me with…
Conflict: I don’t want to encourage anyone to do anything dangerous and there is a lot of danger in public sex. I hesitate to even admit this because I’m an open advocate of mutual sexual respect, that being sex-positive includes accommodating the rights of others to feel comfortable in a sex-free space either public or private. I believe consent is the essential key to a successful and enriching sex life and the man rushing into an unexpected sex scene in a public bathroom when he just needs to take a piss and get to his meeting on time has not given his consent.
And there’s the little issue of getting caught and labeled a sex offender and living with that public designation for the rest of one’s life. So this isn’t something I indulge in more than rarely, but when I stumble upon it, my first reaction is not an automatic “no.” In many circumstances, I am “yes” waiting to happen.
And then there’s the risk of picking up an STI from the random du jour to consider…
Calculated Risk: We all take risks every day. We eat in restaurants, risking food-borne infections. We smoke and drink. We get on a bus or in a car or on a bike. We shake hands with strangers. We calculate consequences against benefits all the time. Sex is one of those things we load up with morality and give more weight than the other risks we take day-in and day-out but really, sexual risks are just more of the same cost/benefit analyses we make every day.
I’ve accepted the risks of public sex because of the benefits I receive: Sexual satisfaction, intense pleasure, a sense of being part of something bigger, affirmation of my human animal sex drive, the thrill of novelty and the simple admission that some things turn me on more than others and that I can actually have those things.
My rules for mitigation get a little complicated because I have put myself at risk of STI repeatedly over the years and I never want to be the one giving a dose to a lover, stranger or friend. I’ve covered the HIV issue with daily PrEP, but whenever I go further than jacking off, even if it’s just a momentary taste of delicious glans, I know I’m starting a 4- to 6-week period of penetration-free play as I wait to get an STI test result. Yes, I actually do that. It helps that I genuinely enjoy so much non-penetrative play on the regular.
So if anyone receives my cock anywhere other than in their hand, you should know it has been given a clear bill of health… and that you’ll be the last risk I take for another month. But make no mistake, I’m no angel. I’m just mitigating risk and working with the risks inherent in a lifestyle that includes sexual pleasure and novelty.
Love Yourself Beautiful scene from Luc Besson’s movie Angel A VIDEO
This is what drives me to write, to share myself, to invite men to experience pleasure with me… with each other and with themselves. I want all of us to really get this. I want you to get it.
I’ll get back to the beauty and power of sex tomorrow. Tonight… this.
(I assume the question is in response to this post.)
Thank you! I deliberately keep my blog focused on the written word rather than images, but I will certainly be posting more clips in the future.
How I Learned There’s More Than One Way To Have Gay Sex
(Click on the title of this article to read the whole thing on Buzzfeed.)
I am very pleased to have been interviewed for this article. However we get there, losing our stupid prejudice against anything other than full-on buttsex only makes our sex lives richer, deeper and more real. Sex is so much more than one thing. I encourage followers to read this article to the end.
My brief contributions are about two-thirds of the way through, but they’re a small part of the overall point. Your comments are welcome right here in Disqus.
There is no such thing as “The Ideal Man.” There is only my ideal man… for the moment. Ideals change and every individual has their own.
This is Kyle, my ideal man of the moment.
Intrigued by Kyle and want to know more? Follow him on Instagram. Personal Page Here and his art page Dirty Talk Collection Here.
All photos by Mike Enders of San Francisco for his “Lucky Green Chair” Series. Support his work on Patreon.