Category: Uncategorized

Where the hell have I been? Well, among other things, I’ve spent the last couple of months of refocusing and redirecting my efforts on the book.

The Book… I’m calling it, “the book project.” It is most definitely a project and a half.

I was really excited at the prospect of writing the whole thing this year. Well, masturbation fans, that ain’t gonna happen… I really do want to do this right, and not just fast. The hard truth is, I’m a working stiff like all of you (I assume) and I have to work a day job to pay the mortgage, the bills, the IRS (oh, don’t get me started there) and to eat of course. I also have no disposable income to speak of.

And it turns out that writing a book costs money. At least, writing this book costs money. I had a rude awakening after coming home from my very first research trip to San Francisco last month. I went down for four days to interview the “Floundering Fathers” of SF Jacks, and attend one of their events. It was a great and successful trip in a dozen different ways.

But it was also something else. Something decisive and project-changing. It was a total drain on my meager finances.

So, I have gone back to the drawing board and spent the past month adjusting my battle plan. Here’s your own sneak preview:

1. Budget! I met with a good friend who is a financial advisor and project manager. He set me on the path toward actual responsibility with this project. He showed me how to draft a budget, how to make it better, and how to create a genuine project plan from it.

2. Fundraising! I began working with another friend who produces video and started work on a book trailer. I’ll be deploying a major fundraising push before the first day of Summer to raise at least half of my needed funds before the last day of Summer (and hopefully, all the money I will need to write the book)

3. Research! Not all of the research I want to do will come from face-to-face interviews and circle-jerks with new friends in far-flung places. There is actually a lot I can do right here at home. I’m working with a research assistant to help me create the definitive Jacks survey. That should come out this Summer as well.

4. Practice Interviews! I have started meeting with a select group of respected friends, people not already involved with JO clubs, to interview me on the subject. What this is doing is honing my message, sharpening my pitch and preparing me to be the spokesperson for social masturbators everywhere.

5. Writing! This is actually the number 1 priority, but I put it last for impact. I could have just gone back and reversed the numbering to go from 5 to 1, but to hell with it. I’m on a roll…

Writing needs to happen every day. It needs to be practice. I may even dare to call it “sacred” practice, although I am as irreligious a heathen as you’re likely to find.

So there are lots of “next steps” but the most crucial next step is writing today. Whatever day it is, regardless of how I feel, it is a day to write. About anything. I must set fingers to keys every day and put words together. So it’s a big dose of back to basics.

And I look forward to posting some of my dirtiest work right here. You may hold me to that. 

Thanks for your patience these past weeks. There is plenty to come.

As in “poking my nose into my own blog for a change so you won’t think I died or anything… ”

It’s an unfortunate tendency many bloggers have of starting things and then fading away. I don’t want to be that blogger. I love writing this thing…

But there are times I get busier than others. I’m working on a pile of projects right now, not the least of which is my book. I wish to God I could afford to take a six-month sabbatical and just work on that alone. It’s looking different from what I imagined. You’ll see…

I’ll be back. That’s a promise.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. I apologize if this is about a hundred times more response than you wanted… but here goes!

I live in an unusually progressive (read, “non-conservative”) city. Being gay here is about as close to a non-issue as anywhere I’ve ever lived, and I love it, but it’s important to remember that the rest of the country is not like this. Gay people have a hard, hard time just being honest with themselves, much less anyone else, about who they really are. Life becomes very heavy with the effort of hiding details large and small in virtually every situation. We who live on the islands of tolerance in the blue archipelago are the minority. We should not forget that our courage to live honestly affects others in harder places.

I encourage you to honor the truth in your life, just as you honor that you are gay, regardless of what you have done or not done. You accept and honor your own truth, which is more than most gay men in your situation.

But also honor your past and your conditioning, not its repressive nature, but the fact that you grew up in it. It is part of you, and you can’t ever shake it, only draw upon it as we all draw upon our experiences to make the best now we can create.

In other words, you get to have a hard time finding sexual relationships, and you get to figure out that part of life anyway. Let’s face it: A gay kid who grows up with parents who are truly happy with him being gay, and are mostly concerned about him just being healthy, safe, well-educated and connected with supportive communities, is going to have a much easier time finding his way through the world of interpersonal relationships than another gay kid whose parents would threaten him with death and damnation, ostracism and isolation if he merely admits he ever so much as thinks about “those things” much less claim to be gay.

We all have a puzzle to work out in life. That is life: We navigate our own challenges on the way to what we hope will be a satisfying, reasonably happy life. Your puzzle includes religious and cultural abuse regarding your one of your most fundamental impulses.

Meeting people, learning about dating, negotiating relationships and learning how to have sex (first bad sex and then better sex and hopefully really great sex) is tricky for everyone, and sex with the self is an important part of getting there. For a lot of men, a JO club is an excellent way of first experiencing sex with other men. It is direct, simple, controlled and friendly.

But make no mistake: jacking off with other guys is, literally, having sex with other men. If you have never touched another man’s hard penis for the purpose of pleasure, and visa versa, you’re practicing a purely solosexual existence. When you take the step to attending a JO club, and if you can muster the will to allow others to touch you, and allow yourself to touch others, you will have taken an important step. You will have broken through that first barrier.

And it will almost certainly not be easy getting to that point. You should just accept that. Your first sexual encounter with another man will be a big moment for you, so it’s 100% normal to be very nervous and very excited.

However it turns out—and you may feel really awkward and shy and you may not get off at all the first time—You should know that every man in the room has been there at that moment, or is even there at the same moment as you. First times are some of the best memories we have. I want you to know that I want you to be happy, to experience the same wonder I and countless others have experienced, and that we support you in being happy, because we recognize ourselves in you, even with all of our differences.

So please do get yourself to that moment. That is your job now: To bring yourself to the opportunity to experience for yourself what you have desired and denied for so long. It can be great or it can be tough but it makes possible every next experience in your life. That may not be in a JO club, but this is certainly one of your options.

Please let me know if there is any support you may need. Just click the “Contact” link on the top left column on this page and let me know if there’s anything I can tell you, other than the time, date and location of the next events.

And thanks again for sharing. I look forward to meeting you.

This is not a lengthy post. Sorry, my faithful minions… 

I just want to mention that movement on my book seems to have kicked into gear. The right people are falling into place, the right circumstances are appearing at the right times… It’s starting to look like this thing is really happening, and lots of new considerations are coming up.

For instance… Who will hate me and how will I handle that? I’m fairly certain that is going to happen, and I’m used to being pretty well-liked, if not treated civilly. I am hoping that I will find a hell of a lot more supporters than detractors, I just hope that the haters aren’t within the community of the Jacks. I think I’ll need to be prepared for that.

Another consideration is money. This would be a whole lot easier with a modest writer’s grant. I’m probably going to need to take a few unpaid days of leave to do the needed research. With or without an angel on my side, this is going to go forward… I would not mind meeting an angel, though. I am putting my mind to that one too.

It’s interesting to me how much information can not be found on the Internet. Quantitative research is one thing I need to leave home to find, but so is the human connection, the people whose stories I want to tell. I am really, really looking forward to the unplugged portion of this work.

I’m really excited. Almost giddy…

I’m really glad you read my blog, by the way. If you would like to help me with my work, click on the link in the top left corner that reads, “Ask me anything,” and ask me something interesting. It’s incredibly stimulating for my creative process to not just hold forth in this blog, but to engage in conversation.

More—much more—to come.

I see three specific meanings that we generally apply to the word, “masturbation.” One contextual, one an objective action, and one euphemism.

And of course there are many more. This is, after all, the most common sex our species practices, so there are myriad applications and twists on the word, but I have a theory that a good 90% of us think of these three general meanings when we refer to masturbation. Here’s my grand theory:

1. Solitary sexual stimulation in general, particularly of the genitals. The operative word is “solitary.” This definition of masturbation assumes that one is always alone with one’s own pleasure (or shame), specifically giving to oneself and receiving from oneself. No other person is physically involved in the act, although others may be virtually involved through imagination (fantasy), auditory (phone sex), visual (porn) or other surrogate means (voyeurism, fetish objects, etc.). This can include sex toys or any number of enhancements, and may or may not culminate in orgasm. To qualify as masturbation, it must be a solitary practice.
2. Stroking genitals with the hand. The focus is on the specific activity of genital stimulation without penetration, chiefly with the use of our most readily available manipulative tool, the hands and fingers. This idea of masturbation defines itself by what’s being done rather than who is doing it or what context it happens in. From this perspective, a partner or group of any size may masturbate together or masturbate each other, also employing the use of toys if desired, as long as no part of one body goes inside another. The moment of oral or anal contact to genitals is where the masturbation ends and penetrative sex begins. 
3. Wasting time. “Masturbation” works as a euphemism for spending time doing anything that is considered useless by someone. Unfortunately, this definition carries with it the stigma of sexual self-stimulation as “substitute sex” which is therefore not valid, not appropriate, not “good,” not “sex.” While it may relate to something that is entirely nonsexual (i.e. “mental masturbation”) it always assumes that intercourse is superior to masturbation, that masturbation is, literally, a waste of time. This is true if the only measure of value in a sex act is procreation, in which case everything less than penis-ejaculating-in-vagina intercourse is “less than” sex.

Whatever we mean when we talk about masturbating, I think it’s enormously valuable to think about the words we use and be intentional about them. What do we want masturbation to mean? How do we actually experience the act of masturbating in different situations? While we jack off alone, are we thinking it’s a waste of time, or does that thought ever occur after orgasm? If we’re masturbating with a friend or lover, or manually pleasuring them, is that a waste of time? Is talking about it a waste of time?

We all have a choice to express ourselves any way we please. I propose that it is worthwhile to commit to speaking of masturbation positively, to claim it as fundamentally healthy and good for a vast array of reasons. Our brains often follow our mouths.

Gooning is one of those things that many men don’t understand, and it is a very, very easy thing to make fun of. Gooning is, in fact, objectively ridiculous. It is also one of the things that holds a key to a freer expression of sexuality through mindful masturbation.

It doesn’t really surprise me that many avid masturbators—social and solitary alike—have no idea what gooning really is, and it’s actually a little hard to describe. In my own words: Gooning is a state of deep sexual experience in which one partially detaches from rational thought and acts more primitively, more feral. It is, by deliberate choice, irrational sexual pleasure that can include facial contortions, drooling, deep breathing through the mouth and non-verbal moaning.

It is “deep bate.”

I jack off with a lot of guys, probably more than a hundred in a year, and I have noticed a very controlled space that too many men get into when they’re in a sexual state, like they get more tense and tight as they get closer to orgasm. I see gooning as the opposite of that, allowing yourself to breath through your open mouth, make sounds organically, allow a deeper, more primordial sexual energy to flow freely, to look unabashedly at what you want to see, to essentially release control to indulge in an extravagant experience of deep, physical pleasure.

And to get to that free space, I had to fake it for a while, to act like a monkey or a dog or whatever, to allow myself to be silly, for want of a better word. I think the experience of gooning is not fake, though. I think it’s an organic, deep human process that we are generally cut off from in the sexually-strangled, civilized world. It’s very contrary to our daily existence and way of thinking and being, so for a lot of us, maybe all of us, it takes some work to set it free.

I have caught myself drooling when in a deep goon state, and that includes when having sex with a partner. The first time it happened, I broke into laughter, which also felt freeing.

Dan Savage once remarked in his podcast about how, in the heat of sex, we can act ridiculous, in ways that we would never behave outside of a sex act or a mental institution, and at the moment of orgasm, all that sanity rushes back to us and we experience a moment of embarrassed disbelief at what idiots we seemed to be just seconds before. I think that cultivating the deep goon is healthy and accepting that experience, embracing its primordial power, is part of being fully sexual and fully satisfied. The moment after the sexcraziness has passed can be one of awe and honor for our deeper selves instead of embarrassment.

I love meeting other men who can embrace the goon within.

Wow, I’ve been remiss… A few days of lost blogging turns into weeks. So far, it hasn’t become a month off but I’m getting dangerously close.

It’s a new year and I’m thinking this needs to be the year of The Project. I’ve been committing myself judiciously to a number of activities (not the least among them being dropping a bunch of excess fat) but there’s this one BIG one I’ve been dicking around with for the past couple of years, and it’s come a lot more into focus over the past few months.

And I’m not going into a lot of detail. Sorry. I’ve learned not to give away my fire, so I’m going to keep this baby in the pressure cooker (yum!) until there’s some real progress.

A cryptic entry… My apologies.

Last week, I attended the “Introduction to Sex Positive Culture” at the Center for Sex Positive Culture, the remarkable organization were RCJ hosts its events. I really felt good about getting my very gay ass into a room where I was in the sexual minority for a change. I’m more accustomed to being my gay self around lots of gay others, either naked at the Jacks or clothed in the chorus.

Have I mentioned that I sing with Seattle Men’s Chorus? Biggest gay chorus in the world? Yeah. I do that. Eleven years and counting.

At work, there are lots of different folk, but I’m just being me—not being specifically homosexual—when I’m at the office… As a rule.

I would come away from this session with a new identifier for myself: Gay-Curious. I don’t mean I’m curious about being gay—that would be like Popeye identifying as spinach-curious—but gay and curious about women’s sexuality. I don’t consider myself innately stimulated by women enough to be actually bisexual, but I’m definitely more than just intellectually curious…

So I was in a place that was all about sex, about approaching it positively and practicing it openly, and here were all the women and men, some queer like me but mostly straight and many kinky. It felt amazingly good to be there, just sitting in the room I have already masturbated in with hundreds of men over the past year, with twenty or so other horny humans on folding chairs, all listening to a Center Ambassador hold forth for an hour on the ins and outs of the organization.

Most of these people were going to stay and play later that night. I was heading home to do laundry and get a good night’s sleep before work the next day…

The session was too long, and way too much listening to one person talk to us (sometimes at us) about the club rules (I could probably offer some tips on improving the presentation, but it’s not my place to criticize, noob that I am). I noted a lot of similarities between CSPC’s Intro session and RCJ’s new member orientation, but theirs takes an hour and a half while ours takes 15 minutes, max.

Ben (names changed as always) went over the very long new member document we all had in our hands, just touching on the salient points (no means no, park in legal spaces, safe sex is up to the people having it, the safe word is “safeword,” ask and obtain permission before any participation in any scene, staff wear name tags, etc., etc.) Just before everyone nodded off, he handed us off to another ambassador (“Barb”) who took us on a tour.

It was a challenge just taking it all in and letting go of my spatial prejudice, having become deeply familiar with every nook and cranny of the Annex side of the Center, having set it up and torn it down for a year, but it was a good exercise letting myself play the novice to a point (I did introduce myself as the founder and manager of Rain City Jacks, so everybody knew that much. Many knew who we are, so I was a person in context, and not a complete stranger—possibly not an advantage).

The genuinely new perspective came when we moved over to the Main Space, the original, more developed part of the Center, with which I was 99% unfamiliar… Now the imagination started cranking… (to be continued)

It makes sense to me that any particular guy would want to make sure that the person he might have sex with is the “type” of person he will find attractive. I don’t consider that a prejudice. It’s about understanding your own turn-ons and turn-offs and drawing upon experience to choose what works…

I appreciate the way some of my online members will react with disdain when another guy posts images of really buff, young, sexmodel kinds of twinks, but I think it’s just fine (as long as they don’t fuck or suck… because, hello! it’s a jackers’ group).

If a man is really into 20 year-old white guys with no hair on their bodies, or 60 year-old bears or middle-eastern men or Arab men or redheads with uncut, 4-inch cocks that curve downward… I think it’s all awesome. Of course, the more specific the type, the less abundant the opportunities, but each man has his body and it is wired the way it is wired.

Which is the primary reason I am a firm believer in strict non-discrimination policies for jack-off clubs. It’s not that I think that any group that vets and filters every member for any laundry list of criteria is doomed to failure, it’s just that I can not know in advance, nor can I dictate for someone else, what is hot and what is not.

So the club I run has very simple qualifications for membership:

1. You have to be a natural-born male with a fully-functioning penis of your very own.
2. You have to be of legal age (18 and over in Washington State).
3. You have to agree to play by our rules.

And that’s it. Our members can have any kind of body, be any legal age, have any sort of endowment, be of any race, have any religion, identify with whatever sexual orientation fits them… As long as they are an adult man and willing to play by the rules, they can join the club.

This non-discrimination thing can be a bone of contention for some men used to shopping for sex online, where you have a whole catalog of mantypes to choose from. It doesn’t take long to decide what your type is, what kind of contacts you desire, how you want to communicate, where you want to connect and what you want to do there… You get to apply all kinds of filters as a solitary cruiser on the Net.

A JO club is not in cyberspace, though. It is an old-fashioned, meat-space community. It’s a gathering of bodies and minds in the flesh, where your filtering mechanisms include simply declining a partner by saying, “no thanks." 

Any guy will probably want to see others like himself in the room so he doesn’t feel alone, but the guys he wants to play with may be a completely different kind of man than himself. No individual among us can guess what every other individual might want. Neither I nor anyone else can successfully determine what is hot for every other guy in the room. It’s impossible unless your club is really, really small. To maintain the likelihood that each man is likely to encounter compatible playmates, we have to keep it completely open and let the members decide for themselves.

It also means we treat our members like grown-ups, with the beneficial side-benefit of that encouraging them to act like grown-ups, albeit grown-ups with enthusiastic, unleashed libidos…

The common fear of this community experience of sex is understandably intimidating for people who are used to protocols of common rudeness rather than common courtesy. When you cum in front of someone and the bottom falls out of your intense desire in seconds, you can’t just get up and walk away from the computer or hang up a phone without saying good-bye. You are seen gathering your post-orgasmic energy and wobbling off to get a drink of water and wash up. 

And that is completely okay in a JO club. We all experience that sudden wave of deep relaxation, that moment after you were babbling and gasping like a demented bonobo and you cum and squirt and gasp and scream… and a few seconds later, suddenly see how ridiculous we all are at the height of an orgasm, and you get to be okay with that, because everyone else is having that experience to some degree.

A non-discriminating, open and welcoming jack-off club is a social event almost as much as it is a sexual event, and in the process of finding connections that work for us, we sort of re-learn how to behave as interactive sexual beings, since we are, after all, interacting. You find out that it is possible to be in a sexual situation, excited and hungry for touch, and that it is okay to be there, okay to be around naked guys you don’t necessarily want to have sex with, okay to witness and appreciate the ways that different men express their different lust.

And yes, there are other socially sexual situations where this happens, but the specifics of the jack-off club are a recipe for socially civil sexual experience. It reframes things for a couple of hours and in some cases, awakens new understandings of what "hot” is to us. The opportunity to play safely with several different men who we may not have chosen at all had there been only one finalist to make the cut, means that we get to step beyond our invisible prejudices and learn more about ourselves—perhaps redefining hotness for ourselves in ways we never might have considered otherwise.

(This is an only slightly edited question I received from a prospective Jacks member, along with my only slightly edited response)

The underwear event is definitely up my boyfriend’s alley and could be the event that lets me convince him to try this out 🙂

However, as I’m sure has come up for many others, he’s afraid that there will only be “creepy” guys there. I took a look around the website for something to help allay his concerns, but came up empty…

There are guys of all kinds at RCJ events, and probably a couple that you or your boyfriend would consider “creepy.” Since there are over 50 attendees at every event, there will almost certainly be some guys who you each find very appealing, and some you will feel indifferent to. That’s how any diverse, interactive community group works.

Since we don’t filter our members for anything other than legal age, gender and willingness to abide by club rules, that means all kinds of men are welcome, including some who are not young, not buff, not hung, not white and not gay.We decided early on that we could not decide for anyone else what makes another person appealing. Older guys generally want to see other older guys there. Younger guys generally want to see other younger guys there, but that’s not necessarily who they want to play with.

It is a very different kind of sexual play environment, and difficult to describe, but it is very much a community. If someone is there who does not appeal to me, I don’t play with them. If they ask to grab my dick, I will often turn them down and that is that (although I personally tend to be generous, even with guys I don’t find actively appealing). The rule is, every guy has to ask before playing with any other guy. We assert that every dick is attached to the owner, and the owner gets to be in charge of that dick. Nobody gets to engage him without his consent.

What most of our members find is, the diversity itself is a turn-on. The commonality of our desire is affirming and positive, even if we never actually play with 98% of the guys in the room.

Additionally, JO Clubs are just not for everyone and it frequently takes some time to adjust to the reality of an actual event, even if a guy really likes it. This may not be a fun experience for you or your boyfriend. It is pretty much targeted to men who specifically desire and fantasize about jacking off with other guys and around other guys. Lots of men consider this to not be real sex at all, and unsatisfying. Others are looking for something else altogether.

I’m a guy who really likes it a whole lot, and after years of organizing this club, have drawn hundreds of other men who also like it a whole lot. That’s the whole reason for the group, and if someone drops it because it’s not right for them, it’s perfectly okay. We didn’t fail… It’s actually really good that they go, because we prefer that the men who are here are genuinely into group and buddy JO, not just curious, but ultimately really into it. We want the guys who are NOT into it to not waste their own time.

And part of the experience, because it is a group experience, is feeling okay and even really good about the presence of men who are different from us, and “not my type.”

Group JO is not a mainstream sexual expression. It’s a kink, even if solitary JO is the most common sex act in the human species. We don’t expect everyone to fit comfortably into our community. We always welcome people to try it out, but you should know that even if it really appeals to you, your boyfriend may never feel that way about it.

I hope this was helpful feedback, and I do hope your boyfriend gives it a try.

Cheers,
Paul

I get a lot queries about the club every week, often several times a day. There are generally just a handful of common questions that are asked in some form over and over, and that’s not so surprising. The club’s scope is pretty specific. We are a group of men who gather to jack off together. How complicated could it be?

So, I’ve been answering these questions for over five years now. I’ve gotten to the point where the most common questions are answered with one of a few pre-written responses I keep on hand, although I often just write a response from scratch.

One of the most common questions I get goes something like this: “I’m interested in joining your club next week, but I’m 57 years old and have a bit of a spare tire. Will I feel out of place?”

There’s a lot in this brief query. Usually, it’s that clear an expression of interest: “I’m interested in joining” or, “I plan to join.” They want to do this, obviously, even though they may feel a little insecure about their age or their body or their ethnicity or whatever… 

I do my best to assuage their fears. I assure them (truthfully) that the club is “diverse” and “very friendly” and that we “never discriminate” and that “some guys are buff, some are fat and some are skinny, but most are just average guys. I tell them the average age of active members is around 43, and that our 300+ active members range from 21 to 85. I tell them that every event is an unpredictable mix of men, always a little surprising but also pretty consistently fun…

I tell them what I can, and then I let it go. Most of the time, they don’t write back. They just show up or they don’t. I don’t count how many follow-throughs I receive, although I often hear new guys tell me, "Yeah, you answered my email when I wrote to you a few days ago.” They generally seem to appreciate it and I enjoy hearing the feedback.

What I know is, some guys are just self-conscious. That includes men of all stripes including really beautiful men who nobody might suspect would doubt their own attractiveness. I can only deal gently with these guys and encourage them to take their time with the club, cut themselves some slack and just see how they like it. I’ve definitely learned not to take it personally if somebody has a hard time. I know I need to let the guy work it out at his own pace. Sometimes he settles his issues adequately in just an hour or two, and sometimes it takes a few events, or months or years. We each have our own individual puzzle to solve…

It can be a challenging situation, coming to a jack-off club for the first time. You strip naked and walk into a room with four or five dozen naked, masturbating strangers and not everyone is fully comfortable with that scenario. Lots of guys have trouble getting hard and/or orgasming when they first experience the club. I know one guy who attended regularly for over a year before he had one orgasm. He couldn’t wait to tell me about it.

For some guys, it’s a hot experience from the get-go. It was like that for me, in fact. I’m (obviously) wired for this kind of play, but not everyone is.

Having taken time to chat with many of the members over the years, it seems the one big common problem guys have is some sort of self-consciousness, some personal insecurity they want to conquer. A few guys seem to think that the experience of the event will instantly cure them, but some are just triggered into deeper states of shame. When I ask established members, “What kept you from joining at first?” or, “What did you have a hard time with,” it’s usually a fear of being rejected for being too fat, too old or not hung well enough.

And the jack-off club is not a miracle cure for insecurity. A lot of times, the situation alone seems to bring the problem painfully to the surface. The raw, open sexual play can trigger all kinds of uncomfortable baggage. We do, after all, live in a notoriously sexually-repressed society, full of moralizing and condemnation. Open, positive celebration of cock, erection and orgasm can be quite a shock coming from that 24/7 reality.

And of course, whenever uncomfortable personal stuff gets triggered, there’s an opportunity to deal with it and get some relief, find out what it’s trying to teach you and emerge with fewer barriers and a more open, more positive experience of self. Again, I’ve seen that happen enough to know it happens.

I do think that jack-off clubs can be sexually healing, but so can solitary masturbation and so can a one-to-one sexual relationship. We all find our solutions and our satisfaction where we find them. Ultimately, I believe group JO is far more positive than negative, and worth a try for almost any man who’s even a little interested in the experience. Even so, it’s up to each of us to feel good about ourselves in any context, and nobody can make that shift for us.