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I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. This question actually got me spinning for a while. I wasn’t sure how to respond and I wrote a few different responses, all of which I have abandoned. Here’s my short answer:

Your query seems incomplete. You understate your interest in butt play as “slightly intrigued,” which I assume means you are slightly intrigued.

“Butt play” can mean so very, very many different things to different people. It’s really general.

In the context of jacking off with a buddy, I love light butt play myself. It’s not allowed in pretty much any JO club, but privately, it gets me off big time.

While you’re enjoying one of your “very satisfying mutual hand jobs,” just play with his nuts while you or he strokes his cock, and move back gradually under his scrotum to the area of the perineum between his balls and his butthole, and just brush your fingers over the buthole. Try just gently stroking the whole area of the perineum without pushing a finger inside and see how he likes it.

You can ask him to reciprocate or see if he does so without asking.

That’s literally playing with the butt. If what you’re talking about involves fingering his or your own hole and exploring prostate massage, start by getting to know your own hot buttons during solo play. You can use your finger or try a toy. There are lots to choose from.

I also heartily recommend a little self-education from this most excellent book written by really smart, sex-positive people.

Bottom line (all puns intended), bring it up to your buddy and talk about it. Find out what he’s interested in if anything more. Moving along this path has to be consensual. Jacking off requires very little prep or experience. All guys know how to do it, even though some basic protocol is worth setting to make the sessions satisfying. Butt play is different because of the very present risks of A) transmitting diseases and B) poo.

So my advice is to play with your own butt and become an expert at stimulating your own prostate, educate yourself on how to prepare for and share the pleasure and most of all, don’t be afraid to talk about it.

Thanks, Fuzz!

I too had an amazing time and I really enjoyed running the new member orientation sessions, so I believe we met before the event even started. I had my eye on all of you new guys, as I always do and it looked like most of you were pretty well engaged in the festivities, so I didn’t interrupt, except to ask one shy-looking guy if he was having a good time… I got an enthusiastic head-nod.

This was a note I found in our suggestion box at that event, verbatim and in its entirety:

This place is by far the best entertainment value in Seattle.

That brought a big smile to my face. I couldn’t agree more, whether we do a theme or just get naked and bate.

I’m looking forward to seeing you again next time. Be sure to say hi!

Not that I need an excuse for slacking on my blog, but I’ve got a good one. For the last couple of months, I’ve been working on my wedding. In just nine days from the date of this post, I’ll be getting legally hitched to the guy I’ve been calling my husband for 19 years.

…and we’ve been a couple for 22 years. This has been a long engagement.

So I beg your forgiveness while I put all my energy there. The project this wedding has become is almost complete and if you know me or have read my blog for any amount of time, you should know that I will be just as much of a happy slut after we “tie the knot.”

Being sexually open and emotionally honest has not hampered my ability to have an amazing and loving and completely committed relationship with this brilliant guy who is so perfect for me. I can not express how lucky I feel to have my life. I’m so grateful to have survived my stupider years.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back after the wedding.

Paul (not Jack)

Hi Jerry,

I love my club and I love my members of all ages. I’ve also seen a number of guys connect with others at the club and become partners, some disappearing from the events for months or years. It is possible to make more meaningful connections there, as it is anywhere, but I really believe it is up to each of us. When a man is not finding meaningful relationships, it’s most likely because he is somehow not available for them. That is one of my core beliefs.

And… relationships are difficult. That goes for friends as well as lovers. Finding a good relationship—except in vanishingly rare circumstances—requires working through a lot of bad ones first. The main problem with getting older is not that we are older, but that our tastes and tolerances often narrow. We get more “set in our ways.” We generally need fewer friends and have decreasing energy over time to put out the effort required to take risks, get to know others and be vulnerable.

Sex, which is the purpose of all JO clubs, is actually easy. Virtually anyone can have sex, contrary to the fears of adolescence. Some kinds of sex are harder to negotiate than others, but by and large, sex has never been more available than it is now.

In the context of RCJ, I suggest you try volunteering. Put yourself in a cooperative activity separate from the sex and get to know some of the other guys who volunteer. Also, I suggest taking frequent breaks during the events and stepping into the locker area. Relax for a bit. Have some refreshments or a drink of water and strike up some casual conversations in there.

Also, try other activities where guys are: join a chorus or a bowling league or a church. Seek out groups of guys doing stuff you’re already interested in even a little. Just be yourself and start making more contact with people.

In my 40 years of gay sex and relationships, only one boyfriend came from a bar, and he only lasted a couple of months before we went our separate ways. Every meaningful relationship I’ve ever had started in a workplace, avocational or non-gay-specific social situation. If you’re out of the closet and okay with yourself as a gay man, you don’t need to go to gay bars.

But you do need to network, and by that I mean you need to be out where people are. A jack-off club, as much as I love them, is not necessarily the best place to find a boyfriend. It may be a more positive and more social situation than a bathhouse, but it is still a private club that exists for the ascendant purpose of helping men be sexual together.

We occasionally do have non-sexual events, but with the day jobs and hobbies and relationships and life that all the volunteers have, we can comfortably host jackoff parties but not a whole lot more. If we had more time, we’d probably host more JO events.

I love that you love the club, but it sounds like you may be looking in the wrong place for what you need. Regardless of the kind of “connecting with guys” that you’re talking about, I urge you to let go of the “grays” concern and consider that it may be a distraction. There are other options for connecting in a meaningful way than in a JO club.

And yes, it could happen at the Jacks. It does happen there from time to time… I just don’t think you should limit yourself.

Your penis is with you all day. Forgotten, waiting, stuffed inside your pants while you go about the business of daily life and important matters. If you find some time for yourself, you might remember your penis and how much you like it. You might spend anywhere from 30 seconds to several hours giving it your focused attention.

But those of us with “normal” lives in the covered-up world of clothes and commerce and public decency and propriety go about our daily routines as if the penis were only a convenient appendage to piss with, and then only briefly before you put it away and get back to work. The framework of puritan culture that we bury our sexual vitality beneath is so pervasive, so common to our lives, we almost never perceive consciously just how stifled, how desexualized our lives have become.

Sure, you jack off… You love jacking off! But how often do you spend more than 20 or 30 minutes giving your full attention to your penis? And when you do, how often are you not hidden away somewhere? Even in those moments of self-connection we are steeped in the repression that dims the natural light of our sexual souls.

What you need, what we all need, regardless of the nature of our sex lives, is Quality Penis Time (QPT)…

QPT is that rare stretch of timeless time when you have nowhere better to be than fully with your penis, be it in solitude, with a friend or partner or with multiple companions. While solosex is the easiest way to have QPT, the presence of others adds other dimensions to the experience and can actually deepen it.

QPT is time when you are undistracted, with nothing more important to do than be in the moment, and you consciously invest that time in experiencing the vibrant life of your own cock, all the physical, emotional and mental intensity it can generate and all the life it connects to.

“Jacks” is the community of men grounded by QPT. We understand the innate value of sharing QPT with our fellow men, the multiplier effect of experiencing and exploring the penis in the presence of others, affirming its fundamental goodness by the very act of exposing it openly instead of hiding it in any way. We allow ourselves to sink into sexual ecstasy together while looking openly into our brothers’ eyes, witnessing and being witnessed in this deep, natural and primordial human practice.

Be fully human, fully primate, fully in your body and with your penis.

I can’t tell you how many times I have looked around the playspace during an event and wanted to capture it for myself and for the world. The issue is the absolute confidentiality of our members’ identities. The majority of our members are concerned about a coworker, relative or possible future employer encountering pictures of them not just naked, erect and masturbating, but doing so in a huge group of other naked, erect masturbators.

We’ve considered a photo-friendly event and polled our membership and the results are pretty much this: less than 10% are willing to be filmed or photographed in a group JO session. That reduces a group of 60 to a group of 6.

Some clubs have used masks or paper bags to do group photos, but the results are not representative of the experience. When we jack off together, we are revealed, exposed intimately to a diverse social group. There is no hiding inside a JO club. The presence of a mask is the opposite of that reality and defeats the purpose of taking photos.

My thought is this: The best way we could visually depict a jackoff club truthfully is by recreating it. This could be done by a good artist or film maker familiar with the reality of the scene.

I am actually starting a project now which will include the most accurate filmed depiction of a JO club we can make. We’re at the start of producing a 5-minute informational film about the JO club that will be funny, smart, explicitly sexual (hard cock, lots of stroking and plenty of cum) and as truthful as we can make it.

We are working on a deadline and plan to complete filming August and submit the final edited film to Seattle’s HUMP porn festival before the September 30 deadline. This will have enormous potential for raising awareness of the existence of JO clubs, as well as providing true info about us and even a little bate fuel.

We want to inspire—inspire men to try the clubs, inspire women to allow their men to explore the all-male play play options, inspire guys everywhere to imagine starting their own JO clubs, inspire gay and bi men to think beyond the hole and beyond the condom, inspire solosexual men to connect with others, inspire men who are not hunky porn-star-types to embrace their authentic impulses and be sexual as we are all built to be—and we want to entertain.

But cameras inside any JO club are strictly verboten. Here in Seattle, we’re working on a good alternative for you.

Watch this space.

I’m really not good with “why” questions. I always try to rework them into “how” questions but in this case, I’ll just answer the first part… 

OMG Yes! The same is very much true for me and I have no idea why. I love the sight and sensation of cum on my skin, and the more, the better. When I watch porn—and I have a taste for amateur JO porn—I love seeing cum spurt and land on a guy’s chest, stomach, thighs, nutbag… It gets me off big time. 

And the thought of multiple guys cumming “all over me” summons up two of my favorite JO club recollections (both on frequent replay in my brain).

The first is from my very first time at a JO club, the sadly now-defunct Chicago Jacks of 1990. I was in this dimly-lit room full of naked, masturbating men—finally realizing a long, long-held fantasy—and I was standing in the open and stroking myself, cock raging hard and pretty much in a continuous state of tight-balled edge. A cadre of men were all around me, very close and all jacking in my direction. I was experiencing the “new meat” welcome which I have happily bestowed upon many others countless times since.

I took my hands off myself and let others stroke me for a bit as I rested my hand at the very top of the buttcrack on one very lean blond guy straddling my left leg. I could feel his balls sliding back and forth against the fuzz of my thigh and his butt tightened as he suddenly shot his load on me. I felt an exquisite, warm flow of fresh semen blooming at the base of my dick and running down my own scrotum. In rapid succession, two more guys came on me, both squirting on my legs and then I felt a fourth load from behind hit my right butt cheek. I was the fifth orgasm and my cum squirted high up onto my shoulder and kept spurting on my chest and then my stomach, to then drip down my balls mingling with the blond guy’s initial load. This all happened pretty quickly but I could feel the universe slow down, the moment seeming to deepen and stretch out…

I stood there feeling the cooling moisture dripping down my legs and torso and burst into joyful laughter. I was 32 and had just had the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life. I had popped one load but the shared experience made it feel like I had had five orgasms myself. I was blissfully, stupidly happy. I hope I never forget that experience, that gift from four men I will likely never see again.

The second time was a few years ago at my own JO club, the Rain City Jacks. I had devised a group jackoff game which I turned into a club theme called “Countdown.” It was, for all intents and purposes, inspired by that incredible first experience at the Chicago Jacks. I was so blown away by the experience of multiple men cumming at nearly the same time, and cumming on me, I wanted to find a way to facilitate that for everyone at a JO club.

We had a DJ mixing music during all our events in those days, and on Countdown nights, we would add a voiceover track that literally counted down to a pre-determined “cum time.” We set three cum times 45 minutes apart so that multiple guys could play with edging and cum control and cum at or near the same time. These were pretty damn popular events and we held them every three months for a while (currently, we host a Countdown event only once or twice a year).

And, not coincidentally, one always fell near my birthday. This particular Countdown fell on my 49th. I confided in my friend Axel that I would love to have him cum on me at the 9:00 cum time. Axel was a tall, furry Swedish man who very much pushed all my happy buttons. He agreed with a smile and went off to play and enjoy the event. I knew he’d be there at the appointed moment…

Unbeknownst to me, he went around the room and invited a couple dozen other Jacks to join him in anointing me for my birthday, and as the 9:00 cum time approached, Axel found me and took me by the hand, leading me into an alcove spread with pillows and blankets, and he lay me down on the floor, right in the center. There were a lot of guys in there already and I knew exactly what was about to happen and my dick was raging hard in anticipation. I grinned stupidly at Axel, full of giddy gratitude as I essentially unwrapped my birthday present…

I lay down and these men all sidled up to me on their knees, some standing behind and above the first row and Axel straddling one leg so I could look in his eyes, but the scene above me was beyond anything I could capture in the best porn I’d ever imagined. Between 15 and 20 dicks were all completely erect being stroked above me in multiple tiers of height, all with the obvious intention of blowing cum on me. I recognized most of the guys but there were some new members in the mix too. Completely hard, lubed dicks were above my head and on both sides of my chest and a couple were pointed directly at my own greased-up dick which I was just occasionally giving a stroke, so completely on the edge I was… I was going to hold out for cum time if it were humanly possible.

The countdown was my own voice, and I heard myself giving the three minute warning. Then then two minute warning… and moaning started to increase as guys were getting close, preparing to give me my birthday gift. I felt waves of warmth coming off of all of these close male bodies stroking and writhing in pleasure all around me.

One minute to cum time and the moaning was getting louder. Just before the thirty second warning somebody gasped and let go of a load on my chest… then another man ejaculated on my leg and as the the ten-second countdown arrived, the moaning and gasping increased and at “ONE,” load after load began to rain onto my skin—covering my arms, my stomach, my shoulders and neck, my legs and feet and my dick and balls—blessing me with warm, liquid, male passion. I had to shut my eyes to keep the sperm from getting in them, but I managed to open them again to witness the moment.

Axel came hard and then it seemed everyone was coming and so was I, the orgasm pulsing all through my body, firing up my spine from my crotch and squirting out of my electrified dick. Again, I experienced a profound deepening, stretching-out of time as a few minutes seemed to become a long, timeless, groaning ecstasy. I was aware of many more voices in the room than those immediately around me, and I knew that there were layers of men watching and cumming all around us.

In that overwhelming moment, My pleasure was much more than sexual. I was full of joy. Love welled up in my center. I felt flooded with love and gratitude from this mass of men at the height of sexual heat. I cherish this memory as evidence of the power of social sex play.

I have to say this. “Why” this kind of experience is a peak experience, why I love it so much, why it seems to connect me so tightly in that moment with a whole crowd of men… “why” seems utterly meaningless to me. It simply is one of the most blissful moments I’ve ever experienced—a transcendent sexual moment in my life, right up there with the most intimate lovemaking I’ve experienced with any partner. It was a living thing that flashed for a few amazing minutes and then passed. It was just a profoundly sweet moment of feeling fully alive and receptive of the passion of many men.

I had a sense that these men were dousing me with gratitude for having made the moment possible, it was their payback for giving them a JO club, a place this could happen.

I’ve never repeated that moment, and I don’t try to replicate it, but I treasure it and I bring that memory of brotherly love, of absolute connection to many areas of my life. It opens up an awareness that unity is possible, even if for the briefest of moments. Maybe that’s the “why.”