The closest club to you is about 90 miles away in Philadelphia, at least according to my best information. Philadelphia Jacks meets about four times a month and has been in operation for many years. I heartily recommend them.
But I see no clubs meeting regularly in the Baltimore area. My suggestion is to use bateworld.com to search for guys in your area who might be up for organizing get-togethers.
Yes, the Tumblr app works great on an iPad…
My husband and I have several differences. One is libido and along with that, frequency of masturbation. He has to remember to masturbate. I have to regulate it to keep from overdoing it.
It started when a friend shared an article with me with recent data on frequency of masturbation. For my age group, (men age 50–59) I was, of course, in the top percentile of 6.4% of men who masturbate 4 or more times per week. (of course the 18% of men 18–24 claiming they have not masturbated in the past year calls the whole thing into question but let’s ignore that for now).
I am also, and I admit this freely, more than a little obsessive about all kinds of things. I am not a compulsive masturbator, really, but I am an obsessive organizer. I like to put things into order so as to achieve maximum effectiveness in everything. My masturbation practice is very much affected by that obsession.
I regulate my self-love so that I have a good balance of desire and satisfaction, and a regular and complete orgasm and ejaculation routine to keep everything working well. I achieve orgasm six to eight times per week, normally twice a day every other day. Most of that cumming is brought about by masturbating (solosex). I also have two or three group jack-off sessions a month, occasional blow jobs in the steam room and a few good fucks a year (not much, I know).
The every-other-day cycle of full release and abstinence keeps my testosterone engine perking nicely. Some days are simply for being horny and others are for satisfying that horniness.
The hard part has been stepping back from my decades-long commitment of always saying yes to penis. When my penis asked for attention, I would simply say, “Sure! Let’s go!” and happily tug my precious to paradise anytime. I had a similar approach to guys showing interest in me and my mojo. If they turned me on, I just went for it.
I know… That’s a big “if.” Fortunately for my partners, I have a reasonably broad taste in men.
But I digress. My point is this: I know I’m not one of these self-proclaimed “compulsive, addicted masturbators.” I think many of the guys who wear that identity like a badge of honor are just enthusiastic bators and edgers and not genuinely addicted (Don’t freak out… You can identify any way you like but I still get to call bullshit. Also, I believe there are actual masturbation addicts, just fewer than many of us think).
I’m just obsessive about most things and it serves me well. I think of it as a character asset rather than any kind of defect.
What difference does it make to you? Maybe none. But if you’ve been wanting bigger loads of cum, more desire or higher T, maybe you’re just jacking off a little too frequently and maybe there are systems you can put into place that will help you get what you want.
Or maybe I’m just bragging about my thriving sexuality at 55. Yeah, that’s probably it.
I wish you had one too. Somebody in Chicago needs to make it happen. If one of you guys in Chicago wants help starting a jack-off club, send me a private message and I’ll help.
The answer is yes. There is a place in most JO clubs (including mine) for guys with ED. When we say we do not discriminate, we mean it. The only thing that is unwelcome is bad behavior, which means breaking the rules or treating other members disrespectfully.
If physical contact with other men is important to you, if masturbation is a satisfying part of your sexual experience, there’s a good chance you will find a place for yourself at the Jacks. Here’s the challenge: The majority of men who go to JO clubs are specifically into hard cock. You may share that fascination yourself. I know I do. Some guys are specifically into big, hard cock. I am not especially picky about size. I personally get into guys with smaller dicks, but I’m more interested if they’re hard. When I am playing with a guy and I notice his cock is not getting hard, in the absence of more information, I will assume that he is not into me or intimidated by me or both. I will often move on to someone who seems to want what I have to offer in the moment.
In some cases, there’s nothing you can ultimately do about it. If a guy needs your erection to be motivated to stay with the experience, that’s the end of things. There’s no point in trying to keep him there because the satisfaction of jacking off with other men is mutual pleasure.
Here is a possible solution: First, you need to recognize that not all men are the same. Not all men are turned on by the same things or turned off by the same things. We too frequently assume that we know what another guy is experiencing, thinking and being motivated by. The solution is clear communication about sex.
Second, you need to recognize that there will be other men at every JO club who understand exactly what your sexual challenges are because they share them. Another guy with similar challenges may get great pleasure out of helping you experience great pleasure. The fact is, far more of us males get off primarily on the pleasure of others, either witnessing it or directly facilitating it, than we think there are.
If you don’t ask for what you want—even, on occasion, explicitly demonstrating exactly what you like and how you like it—then the other guy is going to go with his assumptions. It’s your responsibility to communicate what’s really happening.
It is true that for every man, being as generally healthy as you can be is the path to being as sexually healthy as you can be. Do all you can to reduce your weight, get some exercise you enjoy and manage your illness and then open yourself up to the sex that is available to you. One option is a JO club. If that’s a scene that turns you on, it’s a good option.
But you need to be ready to take responsibility for your own pleasure and not invest everyone else with the power to determine the terms of your satisfaction. If and when you encounter someone you like to play with (and it will happen in time) talk to him. Tell him, explicitly, that your dick may not get hard, but it feels good to you and that you can and want to cum.
Show him how to work with your dick. Demonstrate how to masturbate your penis, how to make you cum. Give feedback while he does it, letting him know you like that… that this or that feels good or that he needs to go faster, slower, with longer or shorter strokes, that you need your balls stroked or your nips tickled, pinched or bitten. Be ready to jack off for him, to get yourself off in front of him. If many monogamous couples did this, they’d be a hell of a lot more intimate and know a hell of a lot better how to have good sex together and maybe have more success being successfully monogamous (not that I’m into monogamy… I’m just sayin’.)
Disabuse yourself of the notion that JO clubs are only full of healthy horny hard cocks. That is not a requirement of membership. Yes, there are plenty of hard dicks, but we are real men, not ideal men. You need to try and enjoy the variety and the difference if you’re going to really get the most out of a JO club… if this really is something for you.
And sometimes, you are going to only really indulge in giving pleasure, to fully enjoying the generosity of some guy with a “healthy horny hard cock” willing to enjoy your enjoyment of it.
I’m going to lose my erectile function some day. I will lose my ability to ejaculate. I will stop having orgasms. It is also true that either I will be alone or my husband will be alone. I’m going to lose everything in my life that I love. This is not a risk, it is certainty. All of us lose everything.
I try to remember that every day and I never, never, never avoid being present to the loss of loved ones. Everything we have in life is temporary. Everything. My ability to be happy depends on my ability to experience and appreciate loss. It’s something you only learn the hard way.
So go to your doctor and be as clear as you are able that sex is important to you. See what is possible. If your doctor doesn’t help, that’s when you seek a second opinion and a third. Do what you can on the physical side, but really, you need to let go of what others think and zero in on what you have power over: Your own thoughts, your own feelings and your own life.
I hate giving advice, but there it is. I know LOTS of men who have done just this. My JO club and every other JO club has members who never get hard, never ejaculate, but still return again and again because there is more to the experience of sex play than erection and ejaculation. They do it and so can you.
Get off the pity pot and start working with what you have. I’d start with that negative attitude that’s stopping you from exploring your options.
This could very easily be me…
I have deeply mixed feelings about this image. At first look, it’s nothing but hot. Two outwardly macho guys jacking off together, focused on their own cocks but also clearly into being close together, dicks like dowsing rods in vibrating attraction to each other. This is among my personal favorite scenes, just sharing masturbation rather than mutually jacking dicks. It’s the mix of the very personal sexuality and the sharing of lovemaking, but without actual direct contact. It’s hot.
But… it looks like a marketing shot to me. It’s the very specific Manhunt brand of hyper-masculine trade, buff and dirty and looking a lot like straight buddies. It is free of the derided girliness of many gay men. It’s putting on a show for us. It’s not real. It’s posed. It’s pro-porn, even without the close-up on the dick and the money shot.
And it has its place, but when I see guys like this in the real world, what I perceive are personal barriers, conceits designed to fit into a popular idea of being a man, not authentic but manufactured. Whoever these guys are, I see boys trying on ideas of manhood and perhaps lost in the roles they affected to find themselves.
And it’s nothing new. This kind of fantasy shot has been the bate fuel of countless masturbators forever. Masculinity is hot, even if it is more often than not a facade, a fake-it-‘til-you-make-it strategy.
And while many men consider me in this category just by dint of being a bodybuilder, when they expect me to play the role of daddy, or big brother or army captain or cop, I just can’t go there. It turns me off. I have gotten to a point where I am turned on by the very authentic man, including his moments of genuine vulnerability. I’m attracted by real courage more than he-man posing.
Sometimes, a beard and a tattoo is an authentic expression of a man. For many, this is who they are but I can’t help but see them as costume pieces we put on to fake a personality until we’ve convinced ourselves that this image is who we really are.
When I encounter a man who is fully himself—healthy, eager and engaged; free of shame, beyond self-obsession and pushing through insecurity—I am wildly turned on. I recognize the paradox of a “real” man with all his strength and vulnerability and fragility coexisting together. When a man is not about the objects he attaches to and the image he projects, but excited by the experience of living in the moment, I can’t help but want to share intimacy with him. He’s got what I want and it’s pretty rare in this confused, image-obsessed culture.
A great photo can be crazy hot, inspiring, sperm-inducing bate fuel, but a photo is not reality. A fantasy is not human interaction. A costume and a role played is not the essence of any man. At best, it’s a crutch, a temporary means of finding out who one actually is beneath the artifice. That true self doesn’t show up until a man drops the armor of who he thinks he is, who he’s trying to be.
You can’t fake authenticity. Eventually, you have to take off the ballcap, look up and into the eyes of the man before you and connect to the living, vulnerable fellow man both in front of you and inside of you. This image is a fantastic, artful depiction of an idea. It tells a rich story. It is art.
But it ain’t real. My personal mission is to be more real, more true, more authentic. Key to that mission is being able to see how I, and my fellow men, fake it until we make it.
(Your honest feedback is welcome in the comments below. Please don’t email me with your responses so nobody else can see. Share with comments.)
Just like this guy I masturbated in the shower at the gym this morning.
Associating the gym with pleasurable penis interactions is a great way to keep up with your fitness goals! Workout. Work hard. Then treat yourself afterwards!
This is my approach too. I enjoy rewarding myself with an orgasm after finishing my workout. Before, I want high testosterone for lifting but afterward, it’s a real pleasure to let go and cum fully.
May is National Masturbation Month. In support, I’m going to attempt to write something about masturbation every day this month. If you enjoy what I have to share (or if you really don’t) please comment. Your participation helps me a lot. Join me in celebrating the most common sexual act of our species and add your thoughts.
I’m right-handed. I’m also a creature of habit (like pretty much every human on the planet). Most guys have a “primary masturbation mode” and mine goes like this: I generally jack off with my right hand, with a steady massaging stoke up and down my shaft, focusing mainly on the top four inches of my dick and speeding up a bit as I approach orgasm.
It is also my routine to fight against the urge to speed up a lot, and deliberately go slower than my instincts tell me. Once I start to ejaculate, I stop jacking my cock, hold it steady and watch my cum squirt. After the first spurts of semen, I will give it a couple more strokes, finally wringing out the last drop of jiz before wiping up and getting on with my day…This is my personal “old faithful.” I know how to time it, I know exactly what to do to coax out a load fast or slow, but I tend to masturbate just like this at least 85% of the time. If I didn’t consciously switch it up, I would probably jack off like this 99% of the time.
But I know about boredom and I have a commitment to myself to make my sex always good, including the sex I have with myself. I want quality orgasms and quality ramp-up time. I want good sex, not utilitarian sex. This is why I like having sex with others, letting other guys jack me off and sticking with it, even if their technique is not what I would choose. I need the variety so I don’t fall into the death-grip trap.
The “death-grip” is the addiction to one way of getting oneself off, usually with a tight fist no mouth, butthole or pussy could ever replicate. Once can actually render oneself incapable of orgasm any other way when one becomes addicted to the death-grip. It’s a real thing that affects a lot of men.
Now, I’m nowhere near in danger of the death-grip. I have always treasured variety in my self-love and I’ve never been into a very tight grip. I frequently have to coach my jack buds on exactly how to handle my cock to get the results they crave, particularly if they’re hooked on the death grip and try that shit on me… It just don’t work on my more discriminating penis.
But even I fall into the familiarity trap. It feels instinctual, like autopilot. No matter what kind of bate fuel I may be using, what kind of bate talk I employ externally or internally, whatever fantasies I may roll out, whatever porn I may lose myself in… the mechanics of the stroke itself tend to be the same.
And this is inevitable—this is human nature—but I have consciously chosen to foster deeper contact with my sexual self, to let my masturbation be more self-loving and that means switching it up.
So this morning marks the start of a one-week break for my right hand. I will allow my right hand to play with my butt or my hole or my nuts or my nips, but until I have shot my load, I may not touch my own dick with my right hand for another week. This week, my left hand gets all the dick, no matter what. It is not easy. Not at all easy.
But I love it. My dick loves it and my left hand loves it. My cock feels twice as big when my left hand applies long, slow strokes to my full cock. I feel harder and while the orgasm is much slower to rise and erupt, it is more intense. It’s a game I have played with myself before and I always love it… and it is never easy to keep my right hand off my cock. I really want it there… but I’m the master of my bate. My right hand will just have to be happy squeezing my meaty butt cheek for a while.
Next week, I may do something else to switch it up. I may only jerk my cock through underwear or while standing at public urinals. I might decide to leave the head of my penis untouched or I may focus entirely on the head. I may jack off into condoms or I may simply use only an overhand grip, as alien as my left hand.
I invite you to join me, to get to know your penis from a slightly different perspective. Switch it up and deny yourself whatever your most routine technique might be. Stroke it in the total darkness, in new rooms, with agonizingly slow strokes, in broad daylight or in public (but… please be very safe with any legally questionable public play and don’t get arrested, my friends. Seriously. Public masturbators who get caught can get saddled with a lifetime on sexual offender watch lists. You do not want that).
Switch it up starting with your very next bate session. Determine what your routine is, whatever is most familiar and comforting, and then decide on a period of time without that one thing. I like one week, but for you, three days, two weeks or two months might be what you like best. Change your perspective and become a better self-lover.
