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Right now, it’s looking unlikely that Rain City Jacks will be hosting daytime events. There are a lot of logistical challenges and we’re very mindful of the legal issues as well. If we did do it, it would be both private and legal.

If this changes, we will announce it to the membership via our web site, but I don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. I think the best option would be for someone else to host daytime events. RCJ does not have a monopoly on group masturbation…  🙂

Alas, I am not aware of any organized JO groups currently operating in PDX. I assume there are a few private gatherings here and there, but they’re usually hard to find and often prone to problems.

If anyone in Portland wanted to start up a Jacks club there, I would be honored to assist. I see many Portland area members at my club up here in Seattle. While I’m flattered, it shouldn’t be such a hassle for a progressive and sex-positive area. I’m fairly certain it would not take a lot to get the Jacks rolling down there. It just takes one motivated individual to make it happen.

Hi Dan,

This is a new one for me! Nobody has ever showed up at a Jacks party wearing a chastity device. It sounds interesting… It would be interesting to see what the response from other members might be and honestly, it doesn’t break the rules so there’s nothing to stop you. The experiment might fail, of course, but it might not! If you want to try it out you’re welcome to give it a shot!

I am going to write a lot about NOBNOM. It was a very surprising and worthwhile experiment but for now, I’ll just confess that I made it 25 days… and then I masturbated.

Stay tuned for my full take on it very soon.

Very few men give great hand jobs to every cock. All of our penises are individual and have different routines, hot zones, red zones, green zones… There is no magic formula. Here are three practical suggestions to improving your hand job skills:

1. Pay attention to how you masturbate your own penis. Do you just jack off as a routine? Is it mostly utilitarian? STOP UTILITARIAN MASTURBATION! Make every masturbation an act of self love. Truly appreciate your own cock and spend plenty of time trying new ways of making love to yourself. Explore different lubes, grips, strokes, speeds, pressures and find out new ways to improve your self knowledge. Being good at sex with others (and a hand job is sex) starts with getting to know your own body.
2. Get lots of practice giving hand jobs. The best way I know of to do this is to join and attend a jack-off club. There you can not only get your hands on plenty of different cocks, you can elicit useful feedback. Cultivate a willingness to speak during sex play and ask what they like. Ask your buddy to demonstrate how he jacks off, and to jack you off the same way, pretending that your penis is his. That is incredibly useful feedback. If you can’t get to a jack off club, you can try a bath house or event put an ad on Craigslist, but play smart and don’t put yourself in dangerous situations without some kind of backup plan.
3. If you’re in a sexually monogamous relationship, start masturbating for each other. Spend one lovemaking session just displaying your bate for your lover. It is a fantastic way to be extremely intimate and learn so much about each other. Trust me on this.

Giving great handjobs comes from being in the moment, skillfully paying very close attention to the response a guy has to your touch. But please remember that not every guy can even get off with a hand job. We are all wired differently and I am very sure that there are men who right now would find what you have to offer is exactly right for them… You just have to find them and get your hands on their dicks. Please be sure you have their permission first.

This is just my opinion, but I don’t think there is any need for men with atypical orgasms to be segregated. I think that the people you should be playing with are the people you are attracted to, the people who make you breath heavy, that make your cock get hard, that make you want to touch them… Don’t limit yourself to “people like me,” because that really narrows your field. I promise you that you will not be condemned or looked down upon in any way because your cum doesn’t shoot out of your dick. That is not what the culture of my jack-off club is, anyway… I’ve been to many others and the culture is remarkably welcoming, positive, friendly and social. It is the most accepting social sex experience I have ever encountered.

I urge you to separate your feelings of embarrassment from your desire for male intimacy and connection. Take responsibility for self acceptance and at least commit to doing what you need to do to get right with the body you have. Even though it is working differently than it did before the surgery, it is still healthy and you clearly have sexual mojo to spare. Do your work. Work with a good, sex-positive therapist (and make sure they are unabashedly sex-positive) or therapy group and work on loving your body, your beautiful penis and your personal physical expression of ecstasy. It’s okay that it’s not like others!

And you should try coming back to RCJ again. Having gotten to know many of the thousands of men who come to the Jacks, I can tell you there are men who regularly attend who never have a single orgasm at all, or an erection. Many focus on the satisfaction of giving pleasure. There are also at least four men I know who don’t visibly ejaculate but still have wild orgasms and leave smiling and satisfied. It’s not about impressing others with your geysers. It is truly about letting yourself feel free to give in to pleasure among witnesses who celebrate and magnify that pleasure.

Get back here.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I am grateful and happy to share my perspective with anyone who gets something out of it… I will only add that my focus may be on men, because that is the sexual arena in which I play, but I want all people to live free from the incredible bullshit humanity carries about sex. I think it is choking us and literally killing us.

I see much of the religious violence in the world proceeding directly out of intense sexual repression. Religions systematically put our sexuality under a heavy yoke of control and judgement and have created a world of billions of humans condemning themselves for their most innate, most joyous impulses. Women need to be freed to fully embrace and celebrate the sexual energy that flows through all of us just as much as men do. It’s at the core of being human.

So if my minute insights move the scales just a little toward sexual joy and away from sexual shame, I’m wildly happy for my meager contribution.

Today is Day 21.

I want to give you a heads-up about something I’m doing right now. I tweeted about it a week ago and I am hungry to write about it, but I need to finish what I’ve started first… because I’m in the middle of it.

Actually, I’m literally two-thirds of the way through it. “It” is NOBNOM. NOBNOM is an acronym for “NO Booze and NO Masturbation.” It’s a 30-day challenge issued by author Timothy Ferris to readers of his blog and others in his extended network of acolytes.

I have considered myself one of Tim’s loyal followers ever since reading his seminal opus on body hacking, “The 4-Hour Body” (4HB). Within those pages was the Slow-Carb Diet (SCD) which transformed my personal way of eating and helped me shed 40 pounds. That nutritional approach has been part of my everyday diet for almost five years now. Tim made an impression.

But I am, at my core, a skeptic. I may acknowledge methods and results and even evangelize about one thing or another, but I’m a huge fan of the Scientific Method, and always ready to have my ideas about what works shattered by real evidence showing a better way.

The Challenge is simple: No alcohol, no masturbation and no porn for 30 days, but “Sex is okay.”

That last part about “sex” was, I knew, going to be an interesting point since I understand that we all interpret that word differently, for many different reasons. What we define as “sex” helps us form parameters for just what kind of sex we will be able to have, or what specific controls to place on our lives. It’s one of those many little facts of life that we desperately want to be simple, but is just not simple.

Moving on… For the purpose of the NOBNOM challenge, I defined “sex” as “any sexual play with direct physical contact with other individuals” and I defined “masturbation” (another word that does not have a single, clear definition) as solosex. To add interest to my sex play, I also elected to abstain from stroking my own cock while having sex with others. In other words, the only stimulation and orgasms I would allow myself for 30 days would involve the touch of others. I could not get myself off or even show off for another.

So. Absolutely no stroking my own dick for 30 days, and no porn to stimulate my mojo for that same period. Any flavor of sex with others is acceptable.

I have seen porn, but I have spent no time with it. I liken it to sitting in a restaurant while on a specific diet, simply abstaining from indulgence even in the presence of the objects of indulgence. So while I go to my web sites to moderate user content, and to my blog and Twitter pages to post updates, I am not looking at the erotic images more than in passing. I do what I came to do and I move on.

Booze is a non-issue for me. I’ve been sober for over 25 years. This would be all about NOM for me.

Today is Day 21. I have successfully abstained from stroking my dick and looking at porn for 20 days in a row. It has been interesting in the least.

And I have a lot to wrote about already, but I am holding off until day 31. Ten days from today. My plan is to do this: Complete the 30 day challenge, then write about it, THEN to spend some quality time with my very, very horny penis, and to bring myself to orgasm at least once.

Then I will write about it again. I will publish my next blog post on day 31, September 19.

I hope you will read, follow and comment. Thanks for your patience.

Just a brief thought on Pride 2014…

I deal with guys who “value discretion” all the time. I understand. Guys who have sex with guys don’t often feel perfectly okay with their boss (or their boyfriend, wife, kids, mom) finding out. I get it.

But here’s the thing about hiding the important stuff about ourselves (and make no mistake, sex is The Important Stuff): It is virtually always done out of shame, fear and distrust.

Also, the act of hiding our authentic selves attaches meaning to that aspect of ourselves: It establishes and reinforces the personal belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us.

I consider that garden variety shame as a tragic cultural disease. It’s a pandemic of self-defeat.

It is hard to be true. Incredibly hard. We are all raised in cultures of suppression where we learn to hide our true natures from infancy to grave. Hiding is fundamental to our understanding of our universe.

Denial is hiding. Lying is hiding. Obfuscation is hiding.

I am making a broad, sweeping statement of opinion here. I deeply believe that all personal acts of hiding are literally self-destructive. When we deny our self, we harm our self. It’s so epidemic we don’t even smell the rot of our dying joy that hangs in the air. We think the roles we’re playing are our real lives and it’s tragic and stifling.

My personal mission in life has three vital components: Be authentic. Be balanced. Be generous.

I can’t be 100% authentic because I live in the same suppression culture that you do. But I am committed to consistently releasing lies, being more true today than I was yesterday, and letting go of every obfuscation, distraction and fiction I have constructed about myself that I may discover as I go.

So I’m going to offer some advise to you on this Pride: Practice telling the truth and noticing where and how you are hidden. Recognize how the secrets you keep poison your moments. Consider how you might diffuse the bombs of undisclosed truth and eliminate their peril from your life.

The real me does not fit any standard narrative. Nobody’s authentic self fits anybody’s standard narrative. All standard narratives are easy answers to complex realities. Fuck them. I need to be myself in all my slutty, messy, complex and living glory and I don’t give a shit if it doesn’t fit your idea of a normal life. It’s my life. Yours is yours.

Hiding is antithetical to pride. If you really want to experience pride, dignity, joy… stop hiding.