Sunday, September 5, 2010

I looked up from the fog of penis pleasure at one point during today’s event, during one of the few moments I was actually playing and not working, and I just saw these two loosely-connected groups of men about 20 feet away, about ten men altogether, and they were in various stages of orgasm, one after another. I think four or five of them came over the course of a few minutes, mostly standing… I saw a lot of smiles, heard a lot of sighing, gasping, moaning and I thought to myself, “I just love this club.”

I was in something of an altered state at the time, as Jim was giving some very devoted and expert attention to my cock, which was very slick with lube and very much pulsating at the sixth or seventh edge of the day…

I have a bit of a routine at the club, which can happen when one does something frequently. I vary the routine a lot from event to event (I’ve never felt I was in a rut) but my usual M.O. is to play with various members, almost always playing with the newest members if they’re interested (I really want them to want to come back) and I will spend significant, dedicated time focusing on each guy fully for a while, and edge my dick over and over, taking breaks when my knees or feet start to ache or I need a drink of water. I’ll play with a few guys at each event in this way and after a period of riding the delayed-orgasm roller coaster, I will let loose with a big, edge-worthy volley of semen and then either go rest, or stick around for a while to help my friends get off, if that’s what’s happening…

And sometimes, I get caught in a trap my body started springing on me some eight or nine years ago. I call it “edging gone wrong.”

I believe the clinical name is “retarded ejaculation” (which inspires me to giggle like a 4th grader). It happens on occasion… I will take myself from zero to nine over and over again, barely forestalling the ten of full-on orgasm and ejaculation. But after a few times, I realize I’m just not going to cum… I think it’s one of those fucking shitty things about getting older I’m supposed to just accept.

It’s just that once I really want to cum, I won’t. I will get maddeningly close, be feeling myself sliding up to the precipice and then it’s as if someone nailed my shoes to the edge because no matter what, I just don’t go over.

This has happened several times over the past decade. Sometimes I go through a stretch of time where I will repeatedly have these “ejaculatus interruptus” experiences, and it’s really frustrating. It can happen in a Jacks event or at home with my own hand, or with my husband, which is the most difficult circumstance… But none of them are really terrible… It’s frustrating, but only briefly so. I do get over it quite soon.

So today, I facilitated several emphatic culminations, but was stuck at nine at precisely the wrong moment… When I was the last one in the room, with just a small cadre of men nearby, warm pools of their bodily fluids glistening on their torsos… I had a blast witnessing and participating in the lead-up to that spunky afterglow, but I hadn’t made my own liquid contribution… 

And I really wanted to. Really.

It was still very big fun. One of the cadre had exhibited a vocal enthusiasm that I don’t think I have ever quite heard echoing through a Jacks event before. I was so impressed… It was not in the least bit manufactured for our benefit, but seemed primal, genuine. I love it when men feel free to let themselves experience intense pleasure with others, especially when I’m one of the others taking it in.

I feel a genuine heart-warmth so frequently with the Jacks, and often when I’m just observing the members playing and enjoying themselves. It really makes me want to go to a JO club that I’m not running, so I can just appreciate what someone else made possible, so I can be one of these happy men and not imagine that it is somehow a reflection on me, even a positive one.

So I loved the event as much as any other, regardless of never reaching “ten.” While I usually cum like a fountain at the club, I know that it’s not why I’m there… not just to get off. My deepest satisfaction comes from giving pleasure, not taking it myself. And if guys really love seeing me cum, it’s their pleasure that satisfies me, not my own.

Even so, I really need to cum right now. I have a touch of the blueballs right now, and I don’t think I want to wait until Wednesday’s event… This shouldn’t take too long…